then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
