I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
