They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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