my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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