Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
