My underwear smells like fireworks.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
