So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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