I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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