We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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