just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
