If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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