i think i have herpe
just one?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It was like getting head from an anaconda
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
