i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
