Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
