If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
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