we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
