I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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