It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just high enough for therapy.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
