There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
