He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize