the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
