Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
