he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
