"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
