Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
