I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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