she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
