Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
