Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
