I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You ruined the universe
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
