There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
