So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
