when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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