I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We need a shit load of segways right now
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
