I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
