Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
