Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize