Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
