Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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