i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
