man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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