how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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