Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
