Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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