Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
