I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
