using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
