saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
