Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
