I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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