Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
