So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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