my phone needs a breathalizer
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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