I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
