if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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