You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
