dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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