Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
