Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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