Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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