I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
