we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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