Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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