you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
