Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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