It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize