You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize