i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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