Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
