If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
